S L O W D O W N

When 2018 ended, I was so excited for what 2019 would offer. I feel like we always have these expectations that as soon as the first day of the new year is finished, we will have all of the answers for all of the questions we have ever had ever. Well, we all know that to not be true. Instead we try to focus on areas in our life where we feel like we have control over. We make goals and hope to cross off these things on our lists. I made a list of 8 goals for the year 2019 and a theme of “SLOW DOWN”. 

The theme of “SLOW DOWN” came out of how I have always felt in my life. I want to rush onto the next season of life. I want to be done with high school to move onto college. I want to be done with college so I could get a job. I want to be out of this job so I could get a full time career I am passionate about. I don’t want to be single because I want to be in a relationship. I want to serve the Lord side by side with my husband. It is a constant wanting to be somewhere else and never slowing down to see where God wants me. 

It is easy for me to talk about seasons of life when I am starting a new season. But when I have been in a season for almost a year, I just want to move on and understand why God had me there. All of the conversations with friends and family, and posts on Instagram have been about these “seasons” and I bet everyone is tired of hearing about it. There is a part inside of my heart where I imagine everyone who has kept up with me saying, “Okay we get it. Just move on please and just be content.” Pftt, easier said than done my friend. Since graduating college last May, I have learned so much about contentment. I have learned about God’s faithfulness even when we feel like we are running around blindly. I have learned that God is good and has good plans for His glory. I have learned that God is patient with His children. He gives us opportunity after opportunity to turn back to him. I have learned that God is gracious and overwhelmingly so. Because I have learned all of these things about my Creator, I realized that I have to give myself grace as well. It is absolutely impossible for me to have it all figured out even though there is pressure from the world to know what your life will look like. And from all of this, my theme has been “SLOW DOWN”. 

When I think about slowing down, I think about taking a breath when I am angry or impatient. I think about slowing down while I am driving instead of rushing to be away from my house and wanting to meet up with a friend. I think about slowing down and taking my town while editing photos or creating new graphics. I think about reading the Bible word for word instead of checking it off my to-do list for the day. I think about slowing down in the season where God has me. I think about giving myself grace when the tasks I give myself, start to pile up. I think about giving myself grace when I feel overwhelmed. I think about growing and learning slowly rather than trying to have all of the answers right now. I think about being my own person and not letting other people influence or push me to be something I am not comfortable with. I think about taking criticism well and taking time to process, and learning from it to become a better servant for the Lord. 

I would like to believe that having a sort of platform and space for vulnerability that God has provided has been good for those who read but part of me learning to slow down, is not putting pressure on myself to have the most likes, comments or photo clients. But kind of gliding where God takes me. So this is what my 2019 has looked like so far: better understand of people in my life, better understanding of myself and where I need to grow more, not doing everything on my 2019 goal list but trying my absolute best. 2019 has provided opportunities for me to grow, where I have run away from, but also opportunities for me to grow, where I have fully embraced and let my fears kind of fall off as I embrace the lack of comfort. 

I am still growing, learning and stretching. The growing pains are real as God continues to reveal areas I need to surrender, characteristics I need to gain, the way too many fears I have tackle and face head on. I don’t have it all figured out but this is what God is doing and I think it is important to share.

I am very good at spitting word out onto a page and not coming up with a good conclusion but I want to encourage you that no matter where God has you, know that He has the most amazing reason for it. Know that no matter what happens, God uses it for His glory and He chose to use You to be a witness and recipient of His forgiveness, grace and faithfulness.