Let’s Talk About Heartache
As I start this blog, I am sitting in a coffee shop on a gloomy day. For a long time, I never liked rainy days because I wanted to fully embrace the sun and the warmth outside but now I like rainy days. I’m not sure what changed but maybe I like to take the time to be still and listen to my thoughts.
In this time of life, anyone and everyone is getting into blossoming relationships which ultimately lead to engagements, then weddings and then children. When I am surrounded by these changes (ESPECIALLY BEING ONE WHO CAPTURES THESE MOMENTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE), it is hard to not long for someone to do life with.
It is so hard to be okay with being single.
It is so hard to just be content with the now.
It is so hard to not purposefully put on a “All the Feels” playlist on Spotify.
It is hard to not have that go-to person for anything.
It is hard to not think of that one person when a certain song comes on.
Waking up seems to be harder. Accomplishing big things seem to be harder.
Maybe I am being a baby and exaggerating this whole being single thing but I want to be open and honest.
I can name so many times where I know being single has been the biggest blessing but being out of a long relationship and not having that anymore, I know the blessings that come with a relationship. I know both sides. In no way, am I trying to glorify being in a relationship over being single cause I know the weight (good and bad) relationships carry.
It isn’t bad to long for someone, in fact, God gives us those passions for a reason. When those passions suddenly become more important than our Creator, that is when those passions can become negative. I know this, I have been telling myself this for a long time but when it comes to everyday life, when I scroll through social media and see friends and strangers find their person, my heart physically aches.
I know that when something is taken away from my life, it is good and necessary to fill it with something again, hopefully something fulfilling. I have to fill these aches with goodness, God’s goodness and His true promises. I fill it with authentic conversations about my Creator with friends who love me. I fill it with moments of solitude in creation.
Everyday is not the best day. Everyday can be a good day when I get up and decide that I can have an attitude of positivity. I can wake up and give that day to the Lord. Everyday God provides blessings but I have to decide to search for those most days.
I’m not quite sure what I was hoping to accomplish in this post because as much as I want to be encouraging, my heart does hurt. I don’t think that is a bad thing but I guess I just want to share that, if you are in this place too, you aren’t alone. Just know that despite the loneliness, heartache, longing, we can lean on our one true love.
I am finishing this blog in a different coffee shop on a warm, sunny day. Even though the days change their mood, our Creator never changes. His love and grace is constant and that is the love I need to depend on, no matter what my relationship status may say.