Summer 2018

This is just basically a blog to put my thoughts down and for me to share what has been up in my life. 

So I have been at camp. This is my second year working at Glorieta and doing photo and video work. I’ve reunited with some old friends, bonded with some new ones and connected more with some acquaintances. I’ve seen the Lord work in the most incredible and strange ways and it has been an absolute blessing. 

BUT

While my social media may be the highlight reel to the moments I have been able to capture and the better days here, this blog is definitely going to open a can of worms that has been my heart, mind and soul the past three-ish months. 

Being away from my roommates and my family for the summer and being in the biggest time of transition I have ever had in my entire life, God has revealed to me all the areas in my life where I put my identity in, apart from Him. And let me tell you, it has been R O U G H. These areas where I put hope in, I thought I could rely on and give me happiness, the Lord has slowly been taking away from me in various ways and it has not been easy but I will discuss with you how God has been teaching me and hopefully encourage whoever is reading this!

Growing up, I never had a strong sense of community. I was homeschooled through elementary school and then went to a small middle school where I gained some friends but in middle school, encouraging community isn’t necessarily anything important. When I got to high school, I finally found friends who could encourage me and love me for who I was. When I graduated high school, I didn’t know if I would ever find a good strong community. When I moved into a house with 3 other girls my second year of college, I was overwhelmed by the love and encouragement they gave me. My college ministry was, and still is, so important to me and their authenticity with me and my faith is so incredible. When I came back to camp, I was thrown into the mix of friends, people I kinda knew, and strangers. I was having a really hard time connecting with people in intentional ways. I thought I was being intentional but no one was reciprocating that. It was super hard to do my job when I wasn’t feeling appreciated or even noticed. It was in those moments, where I felt completely alone, that I had no choice but to rely on the Lord. Up until the beginning of this summer, since the beginning of high school, I have been relying on other people to help me feel content and appreciated. I would get up early every morning to spend time alone to be with the Lord to refresh and start the day off right. I would write out my prayers and lean into Him and the comfort and peace that only He could provide. Several circumstances happened which led me to move different houses at camp and the Lord provided a super encouraging and loving community of summer staffers who are sold out for the Lord and it bleeds to every area of their life! It has been incredible to see God work in this way. 

Ever since I can remember, I have loved taking pictures. Whether that be on a plastic, disposable, film camera or the point and shoot cameras that our Grandmas now use. I started getting serious about photography in high school when I was given an Olympus. I brought it with me every day to school and I would take “model” pictures of my friends at lunch or go to school dances and shoot people having fun. People soon started knowing me as the girl who took pictures or the girl with a camera. Then I got into yearbook and then people starting asking me to take their senior photos and it just kind of made sense for me to pursue art, or photography after high school. I took photo/art classes in college and, well I ultimately majored in it (and sneak peak, I graduated HA). I later did photo and video work for my college ministry and grew my photo business more, and shot weddings, and engagements and so much so fast! Last summer I had a photo/video job at Glorieta and that was when I knew that I would forever long to do ministry photography. But this summer, God has been pressing on my heart super heavily. I have had so many hard days where I didn’t want to do my job, like taking pictures felt like such a heavy burden. That was hard for me to grapple with since I had been so excited to come back to Glorieta and do what I was passionate about for the Lord. I kept praying, and I still do, that God would reveal to me why it was so hard for me to have a good attitude. He revealed to me that I kept putting who I was in the fact that I took pictures and that I created them, whereas God Himself gave me the passion and provides the clients and the ability for me to do my job. So I have had to reevaluate my business and focus moreso on the “Why” rather than just taking pictures just to do it. 

I have been struggling with being okay with this time of transition. I always thought I would be married out of college or right after and then I could start my life with a degree and husband. That was not in God’s plan for my life as I am single and spending my summer after college working at camp, which I am not complaining about at all, just super unexpected. In high school, I thought I would be extroverted and confident enough to travel to exotic places and take the most incredible photos. But you know what, God has a different and better plan. I have sought out several jobs and haven’t been accepted even though I felt that it could have been a good fit. Once I leave camp (ON SATURDAY), I will move back home with my family in Albuquerque. I didn’t want to move back home, cause it seems super frowned upon generally. I don’t have a job of any kind. I don’t have any plans. I have had my whole life planned out since I started school so to be done and not have friends who are also done with school be in the same boat as me, kind of sucks. BUT GOD. I know that His plans are so much better than anything I could ever imagine and while I have no idea what those are, I am fully trusting Him. I am currently trying to fill up my time this fall, before I get a job, by traveling so I will be visiting Jackson, Tennessee for sure. I would love to go all over the country since I never have been, so if you would love to join me, please do! 

In the midst of all of this craziness and identity replacement, God has been revealing more of His character and I definitely trust Him more now than I did at the beginning of the summer. This summer has been so difficult but so incredible rewarding. God has put me in situations where I had to seek solitude and long for Him fully. He has provided encouraging friends and intentional coworkers who have loved on me so well to help refresh my soul and remind me of His provision and love. I’m not quite sure why I am sharing any of this but this is all a part of how the Lord is using me and how He can use you!