God Knows... Pt. 2

I asked Isaiah if he wanted to start dating and he cried. He cried because God redeems. God saw and knew his past and gave him grace for a better future. I can not think of a better and more rewarding start to a relationship than to feel and understand God’s grace and redemption. Like goodness gracious. We drove back to Glorieta and talked about what the relationship should look like and what expectations we had and all that good stuff.

I will say with complete honesty that starting out this relationship, I was scared. I was scared because I felt so called by God even though the timing felt off. I was scared because I knew that if I were to start dating Isaiah, that would be it. I would marry him. I just had a feeling that I could not explain. I was scared because this would be the first relationship I would be in that wasn’t long distance and I wasn’t sure how that would look. I was scared because Isaiah pursued me so well, for so long, so intentionally that I was afraid I would never be able to reciprocate it. I was scared but I trusted God anyway.

The day after meeting with my parents, we went on our first official date! It just felt so freeing. We had hung out before but it just felt like there was a lot of pressure and tension built up that didn’t exist this first date. He took me to a coffee shop in Madrid, NM (aka where the movie Wild Hogs was filmed), then we went to a diner and got some breakfast and drove up the Sandia mountains to hang out amongst the yellow trees. It was the cutest first date because it was so intentional and laid back.

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The more we talked, dreamed and dated, the more the fears went away. God just kept showing me how amazing Isaiah is. His pursuit of me even when I am hangry. His love and care for other people. His heart for adventure even on a TIGHT budget. How much of a hard worker he is even when the job is less than ideal. How understanding he is. How gentle and patient he is when I feel uneasy some days. He loves so deep and is not afraid to share that. He is exactly the man I have been praying for, for all of my life.

Just within a couple of days of us actually starting to date, he told me he loved me. I wasn’t surprised because his intentions are so strong, I kind of figured he would say it soon enough. I was scared when he said it. I was scared that I would never be able to love him as much as he loves me. I was scared that someone could love me as much as he loves me. I know that God loves me, but sometimes it is hard to really understand the magnitude of that love. I know that my family loves me. I know that my past boyfriends loved me but this love just felt different. It was like a physical embodiment of God’s love being shown to me through Isaiah. It was overwhelming and special. It was an unconditional love. It didn’t come with any strings attached. It wasn’t based on how I looked that day or if I was happy the whole day. Isaiah loved me because of who I am.

My fears are sometimes stronger than the truth that I know. There were a couple of times in our relationship where I doubted Isaiah’s love for me. I doubted my love for Isaiah. These fears had no validity to them. Isaiah listened to me and reminded me that Satan tries to stop good things from happening. If our relationship was based on God’s truth, and it was going to be glorifying to the Lord, then of course Satan would try to stop it from happening. Isaiah prayed with me and gave me the space to sit with the Lord and understand my emotions. I never acted on my fears but these were just small moments I saw God working through Isaiah to love on me.

I remember before we officially started dating, we had talked about marriage and kids and all of that stuff. Not necessarily about us as a couple but what we had dreamed and prayed for. So when we started dating, those conversations started happening again. The marriage conversation has been around since day one basically. Isaiah was excited to jump into it and think about it. But I had been wounded from a previous relationship. I remember dreaming about my wedding day and longing to be a wife. BUT I realized that I was mainly dreaming about being a bride, and not a wife. A bride only lasts a day but being a wife is much harder and lasts as long as your life does. So that reality dawned on me and I was scared, once again. I didn’t know if I could be a good wife for Isaiah. If I could lead and love him well, in the midst of my sin, in the everyday. I surrendered it to the Lord and once again, God kept giving me grace. God kept revealing to me that Isaiah still loves and cares for me even when I don’t love him the best one day.

One day in May, my sister had asked me about needing to go back to Las Cruces (where she goes to college and where I graduated from college). She needed to get something from her storage unit and I suggested that maybe we could take a day trip with Isaiah and get some Caliches (aka the BEST frozen custard ever and I crave it every day). We planned the trip and I didn’t think much about it. Isaiah and I were going to Indiana to visit his family a couple of days after our Las Cruces trip. Isaiah had been hinting at some sort of proposal happening soon. I thought it was going to be in Indiana, so I bought a cute dress that I thought I would look cute getting proposed to in. THAT NEXT DAY, was our Las Cruces trip. I didn’t put any makeup on, I was hangry the whole trip there and there was some severe butt sweat happening because it was like 100 degrees. We get Chick-Fil-A and I suggested we have a picnic near the mountains. We drive to the spot and my sister tells me we are going to take some pictures. “….no we aren’t” I say because I am literally starving and sweaty. She gets out of the car, opens her trunk and gives me a dress. She bought me a dress, almost identical to the one I bought the day before. She hands me some mascara to put on. There was a white jeep parked at the same spot we were at and I jokingly said “Oh it’s Keaton!” Not knowing that it was actually Keaton’s jeep. (Keaton is my friend from camp who has a white jeep.) Then as I am changing, Isaiah gets INTO THAT WHITE JEEP and starts to change his clothes. I knew exactly what was happening. I knew that Isaiah was going to propose to me. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know how to feel. I put on my clothes, did my makeup a little and we walked to our “picnic”. My sister took pictures the whole time. Isaiah held my hand and I think he tried talking to me but I don’t remember responding. We get to the little picnic that Keaton and my friend Timber had set up. There were flowers, Keaton’s polaroid camera and Isaiah’s guitar laid out on a rug Keaton and I had bought together when we shared a room at camp. I took my shoes off, I don’t know why, and immediately hugged Isaiah. I didn’t want to let go, I was just so overwhelmed with love and gratitude. I remember my face welling up as if it wanted to cry but I never actually cried. Isaiah said “I told you I was going to marry you”. He gets down on one knee and I know he said some stuff but I don’t remember it. There is a video of the whole thing that I am glad exists because then I would’ve had no idea if I actually said yes or not. I was just so shocked and honored that Isaiah wanted to marry me that I couldn’t think of or say anything. He got down on one knee and I nodded my head yes and we hugged. Keaton and Timber jumped out of some trees and hugged us to congratulate us.

We walked back to the car and finally ate our Chick-Fil-A as we called our families about the good news! We made our way back into town and stopped in a parking lot to finish eating and talked about how excited we were! I felt so bad that I was hangry the whole morning while Isaiah was patiently waiting to ask me to marry him. That’s the kind of man he is. He is patient and understanding and loving. We finish eating and we drive off. We drive into my college ministry’s parking lot where there are cars there. It’s the summer and no one is there during the summer so I knew something was up. We go inside and there were a bunch of my college ministry friends! My parents drove down from Albuquerque to surprise us as well! Isaiah had this whole thing arranged! He had worship planned with some of my favorite worship songs. We all sang together and hung out. It was so special! Isaiah is incredible. That was the best day of my life. It was intentional, God honoring, I felt so special and loved. God is so good!

Of course TONS of details are missing from our love story but I need to proclaim and share how good God is. We have seen each other in the fall, winter, spring and summer. We have experienced loss of jobs, job changes, a pandemic, sickness, health long distance, money troubles. We have traveled to Colorado (twice), Arizona, Indiana. We have taken lots of day trips, seen a few National Parks.

I am proud to know him. I am proud of the man God has shaped him to be. I am proud of who Isaiah chooses to be on the daily. I am proud of who he is, with everything he has gone through. I can gladly say he is my best friend. He was the greatest boyfriend, was the most amazing fiancé and is the most incredible husband! God has provided everything we have needed to start off our marriage on the right foot! We live in Albuquerque but dream to travel everywhere. Marriage is humbling but oh so sweet! This isn’t the last blog about us so stay tuned for more that I’ll post in coming weeks and months! (I’ll be posting about our wedding too!!)

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God Knows... Pt. 1